M.E.R.F. has challenged Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated to a fight. The fight will take place on Hyrule, as it appears in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time in Young Link's timeline, with everything unlocked and no enemies and YEEHAW. M.E.R.F. will begin in the Gerudo Training Grounds while Doofenshmirtz will begin in Zora's Domain. Who shall emerge victorious?

All of the Quad City DJ's (Charles, Balithos, Cyberdwarf, and Hoopz) will be singing 'Keep Yourself Alive' by Queen through the fight. Once the song ends, they will all explode, instantly KO'ing them.

Charles Barkley is as he appears at endgame in Tales of Game's Presents Chef Boyardee's Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa, with all of his best non-broken equipment and techniques, including the Shrekmono and the legendary DOUBLE DRIBBLE technique. Showboat Jam raises GUARD, BRAIN, SPEED, and POWER when in use. He also has five Ecto-coolers, three servings of Bball Juice, and five stubs of tobacco, which will cure any status ailment. He has infinite BP. He also has access to all of his real-life basketball talent, as well as any abilities demonstrated in Barkley Shut Up and Jam!, Space Jam, and both the commercial and comic versions of Barkley vs. Godzilla. However, Charles is human sized and will not use his Chaos Dunk--that technique is a part of his life that he'd rather leave behind him.

Balthios is as he appears at endgame in Tales of Game's Presents Chef Boyardee's Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa, with all of his best non-broken equipment and techniques, including his Snail Zauber. Muscle Zauber lowers GUARD, BRAIN, SPEED, and POWER when in use. He also has five Ecto-coolers, three servings of Bball Juice, and five stubs of tobacco, which will cure any status ailment. He has infinite BP, and he can't use Ice Zauber without shattering it afterward. He has precisely 1/8 of the basketball skill of Lebron James. His sword will be just as powerful as Cyberdemon's physical attacks.

The Cyberdwarf is as he appears at endgame in Tales of Game's Presents Chef Boyardee's Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa, with all of his best non-broken equipment and techniques, including his Chaff Grenade. He also has five Ecto-coolers, three servings of Bball Juice, and five stubs of tobacco, which will cure any status ailment. He has infinite BP and his spells cure equivalent status effects to Diabetes, Glaucoma, etc. Dwarven Touch increases speed.

Hoopz Barkley is as he appears at endgame in Tales of Game's Presents Chef Boyardee's Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa, with all of his best non-broken equipment and techniques, including the F.I.N.A.L.G.UN. and a duplicate Shrekmono. He also has five Ecto-coolers, three servings of Bball Juice, and five stubs of tobacco, which will cure any status ailment. He has infinite BP.

The Cyberdemon is as it appears in the Doom series (minus Doom 3), with all of its abilities (aka shooting things). It will not walk around aimlessly half the time, and will actually be able to follow targets strafing around it constantly! It may also toss fireballs, as a Baron of Hell would, belch ball lightning, as a Cacodemon would, and rip people limb from limb and run quickly, as a standard "Pinky" Demon would.

Cloud is as he appears in FF7 and the KH games. He can glide freely and has limited flight. Cloud has access to all his limit breaks, and magic-wise, he may use only offensive, healing, and status materia sets. Cloud has a permanent stomachache because Wumpa Fruit is IT'S-A-ME' delicious.

Meat Boy is as he appears in Super Meat Boy, though he has grown to Kirby size. Though Meat Boy will explode when hit, his form is completely invincible - he's a neverending supply of meat. Meat Boy is not required to be defeated.

Mega Man X is as he appears in Mega Man X5 with all of his upgrades, wearing his Falcon Armor as it appears in that game. X has no "invincibility frames," despite how the armors might work in-game, or any other similar gameplay mechanics (ie: ducking dodges everything). He also has access to Variable Weapons System and all of its weapons listed in his model. Additionally, he has access to the Hadoken and Shoryuken, but they may not KO anybody as they will be as powerful as Ryu and Ken's versions, and he can use them even if he is not at full health.

Vs

Pikachu is as it appears in the Pokemon Anime, under the ownership of Ash. Specifically, it is as competent as it appears in the battle against Brandon's Regice, knowing all of the moves that Pikachu has utilized in the Pokemon anime. It also possesses all fighting capabilities from Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Morphling is as it appears in DotA. It is at Level 50, with all of its abilities fully upgraded. It is equipped with Orchid Malevolence, the Eye Of Skadi, Mekanism, Flying Courier, Khadgar's Pipe Of Insight, and the Heart of Tarrasque.

Duke Nukem is as he appears in Duke Nukem 3D. He possesses his Sniper Rifle, X-3000, Pipebombs, and Grenade Launcher. He also has his Jetpack, Night Vision Goggles, Holoduke, and Scuba Gear from Duke Nukem 3D.

Sol is as he appears in Guilty Gear Accent Core Plus and Guilty Gear 2 Overture. He has access to all his moves save for gameplay mechanic-y things (e.g., Fautless Defense), though Napalm Death will not necessarily instantly kill anyone. He also brings with him a Healing Rod, P Drive, S Drive, and Dispel. He may not summon any servants with him to battle. Sol has been given hop by John Freeman. He can only move through short, quick hops.

Crash Bandicoot is as he appears in his various incarnations, having access to all of his abilities, including the Wumpa Fruit Bazooka.

Replicant is as Cyberdemon as it appears in the Doom series (minus Doom 3), with all of its abilities (aka shooting things). It will not walk around aimlessly half the time, and will actually be able to follow targets strafing around it constantly! It may also toss fireballs, as a Baron of Hell would, belch ball lightning, as a Cacodemon would, and rip people limb from limb and run quickly, as a standard "Pinky" Demon would. The replicant will deal only half the damage that Cyberdemon would. Replicant will start behind the enemy team.

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[1:43:22 PM] Maxjes: If BG can kill Duke, Morph, and Pikachu before he looses both cyber and X he can pull it off
[1:43:27 PM] Maxjes: But that's a tall order
[1:44:05 PM] Goombs: Pikachu and Duke have crazy water+lightning terrain advantage
[1:44:26 PM] Maxjes: Oh god did Dryest put Morph on a water terrain
[1:44:26 PM] Goombs: then again duke's probably an idiot and would kill off his own team
[1:44:37 PM] Goombs: he put morph in zora's domain
[1:44:42 PM] Maxjes: IT'S-A-ME
[1:44:50 PM] Maxjes: he also has a height advantage then too
[1:45:02 PM] Dryest: Basically in order to reach me, BG has to go up a river
[1:45:14 PM] Dryest: And then into a waterfall
[1:45:22 PM] Maxjes: And Meatboy has problems with water
[1:45:24 PM] Dryest: All while I have the high ground and Duke has a sniper rifle
[1:45:30 PM] Dryest: And Holoduke
[1:45:47 PM] Goombs: and x-3000 lightning YEEHAW
[1:45:51 PM] Maxjes: Dryest

Alrighty then...

STAGE 1: LOLREPLICANT/BUFFS N YEEHAW

Replicant dies really fast. We can all agree on that because it's just an inferior Cybie and I have the real deal. Cyberdemon wrestling is awesome though. Plus everyone else is there. Cloud and Cyberdwarf heal everyone and BUFFS. Cloud has A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF BUFFS. Regen, Barriers for physical and magical attacks, Haste, Resist, the works. And the Quad City DJ's sing Queen the whole time. It is glorious. They probably die at this point but whatever man.

STAGE 2: MEGA MAN X CAN IT'S-A-ME FLY

AND NOBODY CAN HIT HIM EXCEPT DUKE AND PIKACHU. And they're both occupied for reasons I'll get to later. Dryest is planning to have Duke camp and snipe but Balthios can probably point them in the right direction before he explodes. X could probably record that info or scan for YEEHAW. AND THEN X IT'S-A-ME FLIES THERE WITH CYBIE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zGQkpjPFKo&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Watch that up to about 1:11. As you can see, X is near impossible to hit with the falcon armor since he can hover above almost anything. And he's still really durable. This is probably the least durable of X's armors but it's still very durable. And imagine in mercs, where he doesn't have to just shoot straight ahead. Just with the buster alone, he's a killing machine.

STAGE 3: HOLY YEEHAW CYBERDEMON

Of course, none of this matters if X is killed, right? Well, Cyberdemon is here too, and a larger and more threatening looking target. And Cloud will be on his shoulder healing him. Dryest himself has hyped Cyberdemon's durability loads of times. Duke will probably target this guy first because, well, it's a 90's FPS boss and Duke is a 90's FPS guy. Plus he's an easy target, he just tanks Duke's hits rather than dodging it like X. Duke is too much of a badass not to shoot Cyberdemon because he can.

STAGE 4: ASDFGHJKL

"But what about the rest of the team?" you ask. Well, Morphling's a great debuffer but resist exists and that won't be any help. Sol's for close range, and this is a very range game fight. Pikachu's a problem, but he's a glass cannon and X could take him out easily. And Crash will be spared and we'll all have a party back at the base and it will be amazing.

BONUS STAGE: MEAT BOY IS RELEVANT I SAY

Don't think Cyberdemon is distracting enough?

Duke would try to eat Meat Boy. He totally would.

EDIT: downrepping maxjes

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I have full belief X could pull this off if not for one man:

Duke. IT'S-A-ME. Nukem.



Prepare your asses boys and girls, it's the Duke Nukem hype machine.

Alright you sons of MAMA MIA, this is the low down. My boys and I are sitting pretty in this place called Zora's Domain. Here's a IT'S-A-ME artist's rendition of it if you don't have a brain.



It's full of half-naked fish babes and that's alright with me. So anyway, this is a pretty sweet place. Lots of fish to eat and YEEHAW, lots of WOOHOO, got some of that 'red potion' stuff... tastes damn good. Gets the sword charged up for a projectile shot, if you know what I mean. Meanwhile, this is the place those other assholes are kickin' in.



This YEEHAW, right here. It's designed with a bunch of stupid-ass traps and other annoying crap, and is in the middle of a IT'S-A-ME' desert. If that doesn't put some sand in those bastard's crotches, I don't know what will. The point is it's a YEEHAW, so waiting it out there ain't gonna happen.

Better yet, that place is as far away from the badassery that is Duke Nukem as possible. You want to know how the IT'S-A-ME you get to the Duke? Alright, he'll tell you babe, keep your Boo Buddies steady for just a second. First they gotta get out of that crappy-ass place. Then they gotta get through this valley. Takes about a minute on horse to get through, you dig? Biggest obstacle? There's a IT'S-A-ME' bridge.



Now you look me in the eye and tell me that that goat-legged Cyber alien bastard is going to be able to walk across that. No, he's not. He's going to become a big batch of meatloaf at the bottom of the canyon. Or, if you're some bastard who thinks he can survive three IT'S-A-ME waterfalls dropping him, he's washed a little off-course. Let's say, three minutes away from the rest of his team, give or take.

Alright then there's this big-ass field. It takes about two and a half minutes on horseback to get across that YEEHAW. I'm not even going to give you a IT'S-A-ME' picture because of how ass it really is.

Then we get to the best part of this whole thing: the Zora River. This is where the IT'S-A-ME' magic happens



Whole place took some pansy-ass kid probably three or four minutes on foot? Probably about thirty seconds when gliding down with a chicken or some other YEEHAW? Whatever. Anyway, you remember that song those assholes were singing? Want to know how long it takes to sing it?

Four minutes, give or take.

Yeah, those four? They're IT'S-A-ME' dead.

But look at that river again, and look real good because I know you're stupid and need to look good. The entrance to our little pad is at the right. You see where we are? IT'S-A-ME'-ground. You wanna know what I'm gonna do with high ground?



Oh baby, if you're not some kind of IT'S-A-ME' robot, your head's going to be blasted clean off. But don't worry, I know how to deal with IT'S-A-ME' robots. See, he's gonna try hitting me, but he's not going to, because he's a dumbass. I have the only thing manly enough to take a hit for Duke Nukem: Duke Nukem. The Holoduke is here to feed all of the aggro needed. Why would they attack him instead of the real deal? Because I'll be IT'S-A-ME' INVISIBLE when the Holoduke is out. Won't even know what hit 'em, sorry bastards.

Oh right, about that robot. See this baby?

Look at her. IT'S-A-ME' gorgeous

Oh, and I guess the rat is here, too. He's pretty IT'S-A-ME' cool, gets all the MAMA MIA.

Also I have that water-ass thing. He's got this 'Pipe of Smoking Some Dope' or some YEEHAW that makes all energy-type attacks just go down the YEEHAW. Beams, technological or magical or out your ass? Half damage. Going to bounce right off these balls of steel. He's also got this bird thing. Invisible, invincible, flies overhead. Going to strap a few pipe bombs to it, and he can see wherever it's going. When I get the signal? Bam. You wanna know what else will be on that bird-thing?



We're IT'S-A-ME' done here.

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CLOUD IS A FINAL FANTASY CHARACTER AND CAN JUMP IN THE RIVER AND WASH UP WITH CYBERDEMON COMPLETELY HEALTHY.

X CAN FLY WITH THEM. AND CARRY MEAT BOY. YEAH.

Oh and Cloud could totally tank the sniper rifle because BARRIERS BARRIERS EVERYWHERE.

Also if you vote for Dryest you're a communist. ANTI-DRYEST BIAS AWAYYYYYY

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ALTERNATE ENDING: X takes the back way in from Jabu Jabu's area. Wrecks YEEHAW up.

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I have more than one merc. They're pretty cool.

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Aight it was a good try but I'm gonna have to forfeit.

I made him use 2 every 4 days abilities. Avenge me.

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... whatever I really like this art okay. Plus I feel like it fits my mood.

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